The Leading Edge: Changing Your Reflection Can Change Your Story
By: Anza Goodbar
In John Maxwell’s New York Times Best Seller The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, he says, “You shouldn’t be too concerned about what others might think of you. You should be more concerned about what you think of yourself.” Chapter 3, The Law of the Mirror, paved the way to reframing past events in my life and creating a life filled with limitless possibilities.
When I was growing up, one of my biggest life lessons from my Dad was that what other people thought about you mattered. In fact, it was the driving force of our conversations and behavior. Dialogue with friends and family were limited to pleasantries and superficial small talk.
When I was sixteen, I became pregnant. That, in and of itself, was a monumental disappointment to my Dad, but it was worse than that–my baby was of mixed race. In our small Wyoming town, that was unheard of 38 years ago. My very public situation set the gossip chain ablaze.
At sixteen, I didn’t fully understand the impact my pregnancy would have on my Dad’s standing in our community. For me, it was a platform to stand up against social injustice and make a point that people were all the same, despite the color of their skin. But, for my Dad, it was the single most shameful thing I could have done.
When presented with options for moving forward, I had the opportunity to remain in our family or abort my unborn child. For me, the choice was simple, but that meant leaving the security of my home. So, I married my high school sweetheart and moved to Seattle, Washington, to have a fresh start. At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do for both myself and my family.
Little did I know that, less than two years later, my Dad would take his own life. The weight of what other people thought was a burden he was unable to carry. At eighteen, the unimaginable had just happened. No note. No understanding. No closure.
In their grief, my Dad’s friends and family intentionally placed the responsibility for my Dad’s choice firmly on my shoulders. As a young woman, it was easy to own the shame and blame for his ultimate action. My self-esteem plummeted, and it took years for me to rebuild it.
Their words held me hostage, and I felt I was “unworthy of love or respect” and “unentitled to happiness.” I feared that my life would play out just like everyone said it would.
Four years later, I found myself as a single mom with three kids under the age of five. I knew I wanted to change, but I didn’t know where to start. I began attending church, and our young pastor’s wife took me under her wing. I read books, studied scripture and listened to positive messages, but the lingering feelings of being unworthy had a tight grip on my mindset.
Many years later, I was introduced to The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth, and it opened my eyes to the possibility that I could change my story by changing my mindset. Deep down in my soul, I knew I was created to live a life of significance.
Through my virtual business, I began serving coaches and began to see the possibilities that were right in front me. I realized that there was power in my story, if I dared to share it. There was potential to reach women around the world with a message of hope. A dream began to form in my heart that I could help transform the lives of women who wanted to change the ending of their story.
That dream lead me to the John Maxwell Team. I knew I needed a credible platform from which to share my message. But more importantly, I knew I needed to invest in myself. For the first time in my life, I felt valuable enough to make a monetary investment in myself and my dreams.
As I grappled with chapter three’s assignment of making a list of 100 positive words to describe my best qualities, I heard Paul Martinelli’s certification call “You’re Perfect,” and I wept. For the first time in my life, I was able to accept myself for who I was created to be. The word I chose for my “one-word strategy” was perfect. This one word has empowered me to change the ending to my story. Had it not been for The Law of the Mirror, I might still be stuck listening to old tapes and being afraid to share my story, Instead, I get make new choices and reach my full potential.
Anza Goodbar is a serial entrepreneur. She has owned several multi-million dollar companies over the course of her career. Her most recent adventure includes becoming a certified coach, trainer and speaker. She serves solo-preneurs and family owned businesses through 1:1 and group coaching, online classes and strategy sessions. Her expertise is in creating business systems, leadership development, entrepreneurial mindset, strategizing and goal setting. You can learn more about her at http://www.anzagoodbar.com/.