The Bias Toward Bullying

It’s a near universal conversation today that bullying must stop. But, there’s a societal bias toward bullying we must guard against. Let me explain.

Likely, by the time you read this, the holidays will have just passed, the pageants and church services, the music and parties, the frenzy of present buying and giving, and, of course, the litany of modern AND OLD entertainment programming on television.

For the holidays this year we stayed with our daughter and son-in-law for a couple of weeks to help out with their brand new baby. One night, we gave our kids the extra special opportunity of going out of town while Papa and I took care of the twin three-year-olds and the newborn. (Yes, we’re those kind of crazy grandparents!). The old 1960s version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer came on television and I was appalled at what I heard in the story as I was listening while working in the kitchen.

As you may recall, Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer, had put a sock over his nose, so that he could be more like the other reindeer in the athletic tryouts. The sock came off and – everyone gasped in horror at his difference! He had just actually lifted off and shown great promise as a flyer – even Santa himself came by and told Rudolph’s dad, Donner, what a pity it was that Rudolph was different with all the talent he possessed.

Suddenly all the other reindeer stood in a ring around Rudolph and started to call him names and laugh at him, while Santa and the coach participated. Yes, I know this is a claymation cartoon style story, and a well-known holiday song. Humiliated and embarrassed, Rudolph defended himself saying don’t call me names! Then the LEADER, the coach, summed it all up by saying we won’t let Rudolph play with us in our games anymore!

Rudolph had been ostracized for his difference. Shamed and humiliated he left the group to find his own way. Of course, we all know the end of the story that Rudolph came back to save the day. It was the old classic underdog becomes a hero story, yet again.

What I disliked so much about the story this time however, was just the raw brutality shown in this seemingly meaningless holiday entertainment. There were my twin three-year-old grandchildren literally being trained that it’s okay to call names, ostracize, hurt feelings and say it’s pitiful to have differences.

Maybe that seems extreme, I was just so surprised by the blatant message, the bias toward bullying, no one ever even tried to stop it, the “leaders,” Santa and the Coach JOINED RIGHT IN! What other forms of bullying are just slipped through the day-to-day “entertainment” we consume?

Not every person has the ability to come back from humiliation, hurt feelings or being ostracized and save the day. I’m willing to bet most people can’t come back at all. They shrink away, hurt and shamed and with a learned helplessness to strive forward again in the future. Some find ways to hurt themselves and some even take their own lives. Maybe we’ve trained them through our “innocent” little stories that they deserved to be bullied.

As leaders, our goal is to add value to people. To connect with them, celebrate the differences, what each of us brings to the mix. Some people are more suited to be navigators, others are more suited to do detail work, some are intuitive, others are strategic, all are valuable.

I know this: I must be a better guard at the gate of my own mind, and for those I’m responsible. I can do a better job supporting stronger leadership and a bias toward success. Can you do the same? Will you? I believe we must.

About the Author

Misty Young, known as The Restaurant Lady, is board chair of Squeeze In Franchising, LLC.