Leading Edge: Real Conversations, Real Connections, Real Results
Years ago I went to a local chamber of commerce tradeshow. I walked around stopping at different booths and talked to several people. Some of them I knew and others were just acquaintances. Each conversation started more or less in the same way: “Hi, how are you?” or “Hi, how’s it going?” The typical response was “Great!”
Now the tradeshow wasn’t very big so it wasn’t long before I was seeing the same people again. That’s when I realized how automatic my conversations had become. I said “Hi, how’s it going?” and someone stopped me in my tracks when she responded “Great, same as it was a few minutes ago!” There I was, caught in the act of speaking without the brain being fully engaged!
I had been taught to say those things because that was the polite thing to do when meeting people. It had become an ingrained habit without my even having to think about it. Reflex responses happen out of habit, especially for those like me who struggle making small talk with people I don’t know well. That changed for me when I learned how to shift from reflex responses to real ones that connect with others.
Recently I had the opportunity to facilitate a rapid round of the Sales Edition of the Leadership Game for the Whitby Chamber of Commerce and it demonstrated the difference between the two types of conversations. We had a full house and participants ranged from solo entrepreneurs to small sales teams. At first we got some of those standard reflexive responses. As the game progressed however, people began to relax and get into the spirit of the game revealing more and more about their personal perspective and journey. Real conversation began to take place.
We shared stories of successes and failures. We laughed as we found common ground. One person would share something they were struggling with and others would nod with a “me too!” The questions on the cards sparked conversations about what really happens and how to improve if only just a little bit at a time.
At the end of the game, I collected their feedback forms to find out what their experience was and the learning points from playing the game. One participant wrote, “I realized I am hiding behind my work uniform when I go to networking meetings. When I wear my ‘real’ clothes, I show up more authentically and connect better with the people I am meeting.”
Another participant said, “I know exactly what I need to re-think. I was surprised by how much we all have in common!”
From this and other comments made during and after the game, what I discovered was that reflex responses create artificial conversations. Automatic, reflex responses do not build relationships or trust for that matter. Only real conversations do. Real conversations don’t have to be hard or deep, just real.
Every edition of the Leadership Game creates the opportunity for real conversations and real connections to happen. It comes down to asking different questions than we have been taught to use to keep the conversation alive and make real connections.
BIO:
Lorna Weston-Smyth is an Executive Coach and Trainer equipping ordinary people to become extraordinary leaders. She brings her years as a serial entrepreneur to businesses and professionals to help them grow to the next level. For some that’s an issue of being stuck in their own leadership or self-leadership, unable to make a commitment and follow through with it themselves or unable to lead their teams to where they want to go. For others it’s been unlocking a limiting belief that’s holding them back.
Lorna works with decision makers to refine their thinking and make better decisions for themselves and their business so they can create the culture and business that they want by choice not chance. She is a member of the Forbes Coaches Council and a founding member of the Maxwell Coaching Certification Program. She is on the John Maxwell Team President’s Advisory Council (PAC) and serves on the Executive Committee for PAC overseeing the Content and Delivery Branch and is the President of the Board of Directors for the Durham Workforce Authority. She has also served on a number of other boards and committees such as Toastmasters, the Whitby Chamber, Business Networking International, and the Business and Professional Women organization.