The Leading Edge: Perfectionism: A Lifetime of Playing It Safe
Four years into my doctorate degree, one of my professors asked me a question that I couldn’t answer, but it didn’t have anything to do with our class. I was in the hotel gym at 5:30 am just finishing my work-out on the third day of our residency, and he asked me how I was enjoying the residency so far. I replied that I loved it, but I was stressed about the presentation I had to give that afternoon because I am a perfectionist and I only had one day to prepare. He told me that he was sure it would be great and not to worry, but then he paused and asked me, “What other effects do you think your perfectionism has on you besides for stress?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer. The way he asked the question implied that maybe being a perfectionist wasn’t a good thing. What?! I had lived my entire life up to that point taking my time, taking great pride in the quality of my work, and thinking that being a perfectionist WAS a GOOD thing. In that split second, one of my values was being questioned. What if I was wrong? That question haunted me for nearly 10 years.
Nine years later, I was working with my coaching partner at the John Maxwell Team and she asked me another question that I wasn’t able to answer. She asked me to talk about my failures and how they have shaped my life. I couldn’t answer her because I couldn’t think of anything significant that I had failed at. Sure, I have failed a test here and there and I barely passed Calculus, but I really couldn’t think of any failures that had been truly life changing. Maybe that was a good thing? I didn’t know. That question stuck with me for almost a year.
Then I read John Maxwell’s book, Put Your Dream to the Test, and all of a sudden, both questions were answered. In Chapter 8, John asks, “Does the desire for perfection ever keep you from taking action?” Wow. That was my lightbulb moment. John’s one question, worded so precisely, answered both previous questions on perfection and failure that had been bothering me for years. My desire for perfection had prevented me from taking A LOT of action.
For the first time in 44 years, I realized that my perfectionism was not as positive as I had always thought. I never “failed” at anything significant because I never stepped outside of my comfort zone. I always had a habit of dipping my toe in the water before I committed to anything. If the water wasn’t the perfect temperature, I didn’t jump in. I wouldn’t try if I wasn’t fairly certain I would succeed. I did what came easy to me. How many amazing opportunities have I missed throughout my lifetime because of my desire to be perfect and my fear to fail?
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I really did fail at something. I failed at failing, and the negative consequences of that failure far outweigh anything I could have tried.
Although I can’t go back in time, I CAN commit to making a change moving forward. I am stepping outside of my comfort zone to try new things, even when there is no guarantee of success. It has been very hard to let go of my perfectionist tendencies over the past few months, but the risks so far have been worth the reward.
I am moving faster. I now recognize that speed is more important some times than perfection. This change in thinking has benefited me in more ways than I could have imagined. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am having more fun. I am also taking more risks to reach people and as a result, I am serving more people every month. In fact, I am on track to generate more revenue in the first 3 month of 2018 than I did in all of 2017. More importantly, exploring the reasons “why” I have been a perfectionist all these years has helped me to learn more about myself and grow as a person.
Thanks to John’s question, my awareness has been raised and I am making positive changes in my life, personally and professionally. As Winston Churchill stated, “Perfection is the enemy of progress.” Now that I am learning to let go, I am making more progress than I ever could have imagined.
Bio
Darleen Barnard is a NASM Certified Personal Trainer, Weight Loss Specialist, Behavior Change Specialist, and John Maxwell Certified Coach, Speaker, and Trainer. She is passionate about helping people reach their weight loss and fitness goals by focusing on a positive mindset and behavior change. By working on daily habits, subconscious beliefs, and positive psychology, she has successfully helped thousands of clients achieve their goals. She has also been approved by the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM) and the American Fitness Association of America (AFAA) to train other Certified Personal Trainers on her coaching techniques.