Don’t Waste Your Experience

As a relationship coach, I frequently hear the question: “Why is this happening to ME?” Many times a person wonders why their spouse left, why their child has an illness, or why they were violated in childhood. They often feel like they did something wrong, or even still, could have prevented it. It is not easy to overcome that blind spot that keeps them from receiving the goodness and grace that God has for them.

Jesus said: “Neither this man nor his parents sinned (referring to the blind man) but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” (John 9:3). Perhaps you didn’t do anything wrong. It is possible God wants to use your pain to help others. It is probable God will use your pain to help others as soon as you accept that bad things happen. People don’t always choose the path God has for them, and bad things result. Others get hurt. God wants to use that hurt, your hurt, to continue His work – the work of healing and helping others to overcome their hurt and pain.

Why did I go through two divorces within a five-year period when I didn’t ask for them? I was not perfect and certainly I contributed to the failing relationships, but the worst pain came when I tried to hold it together and it still failed. Why did that happen when I was giving it my best, and believing by faith that relationships can be healed? It is because others have been given free will, and sometimes they choose a different path than what God intended for them. God tells us that these things happen so that HIS WORK might be displayed in our lives. I am confident that had I not gone through those painful experiences and done the work necessary to be whole again, God could not have used me to help those couples today who are experiencing relational hurt and pain. I am able to ask the difficult questions that elicit thoughtful responses because I understand the conflict they are facing.

John Maxwell teaches us that it is not experience that is the best teacher, but rather, experience with AWARENESS that is the best teacher. We must take time to learn from our mistakes, and allow God to heal our heart; it is the divine healing that is reflected in our lives that continues His work here on earth. “The greatest gains came in the middle of their pain.” John Maxwell. When we take the time to learn from our pain, we not only get set free, we can also assist others in their journey to a better life.

It is the beginning of a brand new year, a brand new opportunity to begin again. Don’t waste your experience. Don’t allow bitterness and resentment to enter into your being. Let God heal your heart so you can be effective in His Kingdom. Allow your heart to love others. That is God’s love shining in you!

About the Author

Cindy Jacob Southworth is a marriage and relationship coach, certified through the American Association of Christian Counselors and a member of the International Christian Coaching Assn.